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To Our Visitors:
The right to receive emotional support. The right to be heard by the other and the right to be responded to with courtesy. The right to have your own view even if your partner has a different one. The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real. The right to have a sincere apology for any jokes you feel are offensive. The right to clear informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business. The right to live free from accusation and blame. The right to live free from criticism and judgment. The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect. The right to receive encouragement. The right to live free from emotional and physical threat. The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage. The right to be called by no name that devalues you. The right to be asked respectfully rather than to be ordered. This epidemic of violence -- and silence -- is preventable. If you are a victim of domestic violence, remember that you are not alone, and that you can get help:
Be ready to leave. Have a bag packed for you and your children in case you need to get out of your home quickly. Make sure you have ID, money, credit cards, essential phone numbers (relatives, lawyers), a first aid kit, keys, and some comfort items (toys, photos, etc.). Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). While domestic violence is prevalent, it is often hidden. Often, people suspect that someone they know is being abused, but hesitate to speak up for fear of being wrong. Here are some of the warning signs of domestic violence: 1. Your friend or acquaintance gets quiet and seems nervous when her partner is around. She seems afraid of making him angry. 2. You've seen him get violent: verbally, or by breaking things or hitting/throwing objects. 3. You've noticed bruises or scars that she excuses away. However, keep in mind that abusers often strike in places hidden by clothing, and victims often go to great lengths to conceal their injuries. 4. She cancels plans at the last minute on a regular basis, and gradually becomes isolated from her friends and family. 5. He controls everything: the money, her behavior, and whom she spends time with. What You Can Do First and foremost, if you know someone in immediate danger -- a friend, relative, co-worker, or if it's you -- call 911. The thought of talking to someone you suspect is being abused -- a friend, relative or coworker -- about the violence may seem uncomfortable or frightening. Many people think it won't do any good. The fact is, by initiating a conversation about the violence, you are showing the victim that you care, and that she is not alone. You are breaking into the isolation. Here are some tips on how to handle the conversation: 1. Listen, don't judge. Her self-esteem, as well as her body, has been shattered. Let her know there is NO reason to be ashamed. 2. Let her know that it's not her fault, and that there is NEVER any excuse for violence in a relationship. 3. Suggest that she develop a safety plan. 4. Tell her how she can get help. 5. Let her know she's not alone. This epidemic of violence -- and silence -- is preventable. Non-violent men can serve as role models for impressionable young boys. They can stand up to abusers and let them know that their behavior is not acceptable. Mostly, they can end the social misperception that domestic violence is a "women's issue". And they can make a difference before it is too late. |
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